Decisions, Decisions...

Halloween Preparations

I found a really great goat costume but it would have cost a whole paycheck...literally. You were also encouraged to buy the cooling system to wear underneath it, not to mention the special carrying case...both of which (of course) were not included. Then I found a very reasonably priced corn on the cob hat but it wasn't really that cool. I will have to leave my other options to myself as I'd hate to spoil the surprise like last year. I will, however, tell you that I promise to one day buy my dear friend Jenny and her entire family matching lemon costumes...because I think besides that book I gave her for her birthday in 2006, every gift has been lemon themed. Oh, because she became a "Lemmon" when she got hitched.

Good Men

We sat down with Josh's fiance to show her his scrapbook and when we came across this picture, Josh took it out of the book and studied it with a great deal of emotion. He's getting married next month to a great girl and his best friend won't be there with him. It breaks his heart as well as my Dad's, but there is something so much bigger than a wedding day that both these men understand.

In Protest of The Olympics

Him: I hate the Olympics.
Me: That's not a huge suprise coming from you.
Him: But, did you know it's cool to hate this Olympics?
Me:...What do you mean?
Him: Well, because of Darfur.
Me: chuckling...Do you know what's going on in Darfur?
Him: No, but Mia Farrow is protesting The Olympics and said something about Darfur.
Me: now laughing...
Him: So, when people start asking if I watched a certain event or whatever I just say I don't support The Olympics because of Darfur. And so far everyone has been like "Ohhh, right". So, no further explanation is even necessary.

New Digs

I got a new office with a window and room for a nice little couch and I tell you what...that view of the DI on 7th south is the most gorgeous sight I have ever seen. I moved up from the closet to the master suite; equipped with natural light and everything. Okay, so the only time I get pissed I'm not married is when I have to do crap like paint, move furniture, put stuff together, fix my car, etc. Case in point: I bought a couch off KSL classifieds and went to pick it up. I hadn't locked the trailer on properly and...well, k...there were railroad tracks and then the car started jerking and the trailer was all over the place. Thank the good samaritan for stopping and helping me lift the trailer back onto the hitch. After calling every person I could imagine and failing to locate an available set of hands I finally got a trusted friend to come all the way from Utah County to help me hoist that thing up the stairs. God bless him for it. Anyway, I'm in, it's painted and my new/used furniture looks great.

Saint George weekend

I hadn't taken a vacation day since Christmas and having a couple of days off was in itself a glorious thing. Mix that with lounging in the pool, guitar hero, putting sleepy babies down for naps and being there when they woke up...PERFECT. It was also great to get to know Josh's fiance, Holly, better. She is a doll and we are excited for them. Sorry Holly, we know we're not an easy bunch but we sure love you and how happy you make our brother.

Feist at Deer Valley

It was just truely enjoyable. She is a doll and a true musician and they sounded great. Plus, I ran into my best friend from 7th grade who I literally have not seen or spoken to since 1995.

Baby Lady

Her dumb mom tripped on the damn dog and fell down the stairs while holding her. No need to worry...Pretty was not harmed but in the process of not harming Pretty, Jaim broke her leg. We had to ship her up to Boise for her in-laws to deal with after multiple plates and screws were required and she wouldn't be able to walk for 8 weeks.

I'm ready for this baby lady to be back. Not so much her piercing screams as much as her...oh, and her mom...yea, you too, jaims.

Good Aunt Series - Abominable

I put Orange Fanta in his sippy cup. Just because he asked.

Good Aunt Series - Independence Day

We went to the Chuckwagon breakfast and the Kaysville parade on friday (which makes for a separate blog post in and of itself). Bennett went nuts with all the candy that was thrown and yes I let him eat as much as he wanted. I even encouraged him to walk closer to the floats so that the candy throwers could spill nerds, starburst and taffy into his little hands. He stuffed his cargo pockets with the excess because he couldn't eat it as fast as it was accumulating. He finally turned to me, held up a piece of *taffy and said, "These are makin' me sick, Jen." He passed out on my shoulder as we walked back to the car. Poor kid probably woke up with a crappy tummy ache...I suck.

*note taffy in Bennett's hand as well as bulging cargo pockets.

Media Wednesday - Esperanza Spalding

She was classically trained on the violin but at 14, being both bored and curious, she picked up a bass. Her music teacher taught her a blues riff and she experienced a "spontaneous connection" that 'remains a formative moment for her conception of jazz today'. She explained in her recent NRP interview:

That's like the vein of jazz. It's that ability to immediately be able to communicate with someone that you don't know. And in those first five minutes of this instrument that was completely foreign to me, in a way I touched right upon that vein. I mean, I hit it, I hit that nerve. Now, after nine years, everything I've learned about jazz kind of all comes back to that first realization in that room.

She was playing in Portland clubs by 15, dropped out of high school, got her GED, scored a scholarship to the Berklee College of Music in Boston, graduated early, and became the youngest faculty member in the school's history. Yeah, she's 23.

I love the excitement of good music, new to my every hungry ears.

Design Series - Jonathan Adler

And my head just exploded...

One Down...Two to Go.

It's passed quickly but it also seems hard to remember a time when they were a 30 minute drive away. The phone calls with questions about my mission and how it functioned and what it was like for me have grown more sparse, but when I do get a call, I remember why my own mission and all that transpired over those 18 months is still so tender. I miss them something fierce but believe in what they are doing something..."fiercer" :).

Design Series - Thomas Paul

Oh, Dear. These just threw fuel on the proverbial "plate wall" fire, IF ya know what I mean.

Good Aunt Series - Stare Hard Re----!

I was in charge of Bennett but distracted by my search for a specific pair of pewter wedges that the interweb said were on clearance. He was extra darling as he ran around the perimeter of the store exclaiming, "I'n running SO FAST, Jen!" Look!" The "sing-song" intonation of his little voice and his swinging speed walker arms made it all the more darling.

He interrupted his sprint to turn and shout: "I'n waitin' for you, Jen! Hey, Jen, I'n waitin' for you!" before returning to his regular cadence. I focused on the rows of clearance shoes and kept him in the corner of my eye as I responded with "yeah, buddy, you ARE running so fast, huh?" and "be so careful, baby".

Bennett stopped and exclaimed again that he was waiting for me only to propel himself forward before turning around completely. Dude nailed himself with the blunt edge of a display table. I scooped him up as shoppers stopped flipping through sale items long enough to stare at me, all wide-eyed and annoyed as my poor baby screamed. One lady's eyes followed my path as I hurried to the front of the store. I had the inkling to cock my arm back and nail her right in the face so she could see what it felt like. Ho-bag.

New York HATE of Mind II

To prevent myself from getting frustrated when I got that damn email, I immediately started searching for other races around that time. My only other option would have been to track down all copies of The Secret in the vicinity and hold a massive book burning. Top of Utah has always been the fallback option but I want to do a new one. Turns out there is one in October that is right in my parents mission. The Las Vegas is in December so maybe both? My sisters had planned on coming to New York with me so maybe we can make a fun family weekend of Vegas.

p.s. I know I'm not the first person in the history of civilization to be denied something they desired. Plus I'm one of 50,000 people turned away THIS YEAR! But, I bet you stupid Katie Holmes didn't have to worry about getting in last year. Dummy.

New York HATE of Mind

They just wanted to make sure I understood they didn't want me so they sent me an email Friday and another email Saturday. The co-worker is in. I saw that one coming from a mile away. And, ya know, I really think I am always the first person to be excited for someone when things work out for them, but this time? Can't say I was so excited. I did lie though, so there's that.

El Secreto

Okay. So you've heard of The Secret. If you haven't, the basic premise is the law of attraction or the posit that people's feelings and thoughts attract real events into their lives. I'll spare you my biased therapeutic point of view and move into explaining the image above. I have friends who subscribe to the ideaology of The Secret and I've told them that kind of crap only works for me as a consumer...more specifically, as a wishful consumer of shoes that are sold out everywhere but that I must find and can't stop thinking about.

It began with the red suede Steven wedges that by the time I found them were out of season. I searched everywhere (online and in dept stores) and they were gonzo. It seems like every day I envisioned a different outfit for them or another possible search query or store option that would bring them closer to me. And then...I was led to them. I was driving past The Rack on my way home and had a sudden desire to stop there. When I did, I walked directly to the only pair of red suede Steven wedges in the entire store...in my size. You see where I'm going with this?

Now we move to November 2, 2008 when the New York City Marathon is taking place. To be frank, I'm in the lottery and I want it bad. I have been training, I have been envisioning and I have been planning but there's this pessimism that lies deep in my core when it comes to hopes and dreams. If that just made you feel bad for me, spare me. We need to work together and quickly. Join me in secreting this entry because my Native American co-worker just informed me today that she thinks she's a shoe-in because of her ethnicity (asked on the application). I'm just one of millions of white female applicants. Position of Power, my a--.


OK, fine...I am just very grateful I have a healthy body that will let me do the things I love. The Midnight Sun Anchorage marathon in 2002 changed my life, the Top of Utah marathon in 2006 saved my life and I can't wait to experience the next one.

Badu's Vortex Tour hits Salt Lake today.

This will be fun. Another night with Miss Badu...also known as Sarah Bellum, also known as Analogue Girl in a Digital World, also known as Medulla Oblongata, also known as Annie, also known as Lowdown Loretta Brown.

What does that even mean? Only she knows. More later.

Design Series - Lisa Cogdon

San Francisco mixed media artist and illustrator Lisa Cogdon's kitchen features one of the coolest plate displays I have ever seen. In keeping with my love of mid century design, she has collected some amazing mid century kitchen ware which is flawlessly displayed. I kinda hate using a kitchen to actually cook in because its so messy and smelly...but as a design space yet untapped??? Absolutely.


And I am heart sick that the pear print is sold out at Velocity Design. Link to the Design Sponge article about Lisa's kitchen.

The Power

The Swell Season was an amazing show and served as a reminder of the pure power of good music and hearty passion. I revel (usually)in the memories attached to my favorite music and that night I enjoyed thinking about another handsome, lanky red head with whom I first experienced this story and album. I enjoyed those months immensely and not merely because he erased those sticky fingerprints I had been scrubbing at for way too long.

Shabby Apple on Mighty Goods!

Those of you familiar with Salt Lake based clothing company Shabby Apple also should know that they were featured on Mighty Goods...which just happens to be the #1 Shopping Blog in the US. Not only does the very talented CK Woolley design amazing attire, but she and her Shabby Apple team shake their philanthropic tailfeather by donating 5% of net proceeds to support Unitus, "a non-profit organization that accelerates access to life-changing financial services for women at the bottom of the economic pyramid." Congrats on the success, CK!

My Jenny

One of my best friends from college and life, for that matter, just started blogging. It's about damn time, Jenny. Now you have no excuse for not keeping me updated. Well, maybe besides the fact that you are up to your ears in being a new mom in a city far far away without family around you. Pssshh, whatever, man. I work an 8 hour shift, take daily naps and fall asleep perusing the internet.

In all seriousness, I miss this girl like mad. I get kind of emotional thinking about all that has happened with her little family in the last year and how well she has weathered it all. Hell, she used to cry when I pinned her down to pluck her eyebrows. And, I will eat her baby Desmond because of his cuteness.

Maevey had a baby...

Proud of you, Maeve and Brad, for producing a very fine human whom I plan to smother with many kisses over his lifespan. Introducing...Miles Jay Knickerbocker.

Badu with The Roots - Salt Lake City - 6/3/08

Ahhh, man. Well, I would never have expected this, but I obviously welcome it with open arms. I found out about 2 weeks ago that she would be coming here and my consolation is that my experience in Dallas was unique and would probably never happen again. Some of her first performances were with The Roots back in 1996 and I didn't catch them last year so it will be a great show. The best of the summer, in my opinion.

Badu Recap

The greatest musical performance I have ever witnessed took place March 15th in Dallas, TX. I took my first solo vacation to see Erykah Badu perform. I have anticipated this for 10 years and just so happens that I picked a special event in her hometown where she performed at the Black Academy of Arts in downtown Dallas. It was a small, high school-like auditorium where she had first stood as a nervous little girl. She talked about "feeling something" when she first performed there in small plays and that has grown exponentially as she has become one of the most influential and talented soul artists of our time. She was stunning, sounded effortlessly incredible, and her band was ridiculous. That girl doesn't mess around when it comes to her band.

She played a solid 2 1/2 hour set (after being 2 1/2 hrs late) and returned to sing "Bag Lady" for her encore. She stepped down from the stage and comfortably into the crowd. I guess nobody ever told you, all you must hold on to is you, is you, is you...Bag Lady, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go. Girl you don't need it. She passed through the aisle, singing and dancing with her audience. Girl placed the mike in my face...I betcha love can make it better (need someone to treat you right)...I betcha love can make it better...I betcha love...oh-oo-ohhhh-oo-ohhhh...

I stayed afterward and was allowed with a handful of others to go one by one into her dressing room. I hugged her, talked with her briefly and told her some stuff that's just between us... ;) You may or may not be able to see me at about 3:13.

Good Aunt - Daycare Edition

Jaimee calls it Kate's "school" because it makes her feel better. I guess it is at the U so whatever. I pick the kid up from "school" now after I am done with work on tuesdays and you would have thought on her first day that she would be happy to see someone familiar roll up after being with strangers for 3 hours. Nope. Girl was pissed I was taking her away from her activities. As we walked to the car, she was thrashing everywhere and people were staring.

It's cool, I got it...man, you know, she is just soooo tired.

I set baby lady down so she was standing next to me at the car while I put her bags in. I turned to see her picking up a cigarette butt and bringing it to her mouth. Settle down! I grabbed it out of her hand and handed her a french fry so she wouldn't have a complete meltdown.

Media Mundee - New Amerykah Part 1 Review

Erykah Badu returns after a healthy hiatus which seems to be consistent with some of the most talented artists in the business. It's been 8 years since her last LP and 5 since her EP. Her son Seven showed her how to use GarageBand when he noticed her recording fleeting melodies on her voicemail and she quickly had 3 albums worth of good music to start with.

With New Amerykah, Badu tackles sociopolitical issues including poverty, 9/11, Katrina and The Iraq War. Rolling Stone's review flippantly regarded her messages as "passing references" rather than social commentary but I wholeheartedly disagree. Miss Badu's lyrics are "spare" but "pointillist" (as another reviewer stated), "constantly folded deep within dense, heavy arrangement" (Slant Magazine, 2008). She poses rhetorical questions through her lyrics and I can testify that she certainly fills any proverbial holes when she performs live.

Along with her classic raw vocal delivery (consistently reminiscent of Billie Holiday), she remains refreshingly disorganized. Badu never has produced the type of music that is polished and consumer ready, only to be "played out and shelved". The concept makes sense to me as I have listened to this new album over and over since Feb 26th but still feel a lot has yet to be discovered. That is probably also the reason I never get sick of any of her other work 10 years after it grabbed me by the soul.

Miss Badu

Good Aunt Series #5

She had a little run in with an eyelash curler but don't worry, she didn't lose an eye and I evened it out by taking her to the pet store.

Good Aunt Series #4

How do you keep a 1 yr. old occupied while at the salon?

It happens.

Cartoon courtesy of Dave Walker at Cartoon Blog

New Amerykah, Pt. 1: 4th World War

Today the first of 3 new ERYKAH BADU albums drops. The next two are slated for release in 6 month intervals. I have called ALL cd stores in the greater Salt Lake area to try and find this rather than wait for it in the mail. Dallas. March 15th. Just Miss Badu and Me.

"That Don't Impress Me Much"

I got on a treadmill last night only to find that my ipod was dead which meant no Weeds episodes to revisit and no music to drown out Shania Twain in the background. CNN was on and I got caught up in the great debacle that was Michelle Obama's speech at a recent rally where she happened to state that for the first time in her adult life, she was proud of her country. I had been on the treadmill for 20 minutes when a beefhead gymrat walked toward me, looked me straight in the eye and then stood right in front of me to turn the channel to Sports Center. A HOLE! There were 8 other tvs perfectly positioned above 20 other treadmills and he had to pick the one next to me. He didn't even ask if I minded...and I MINDED! Then...THEN, dude saunters on the treadmill for 11:48 and then gets off. I STILL HAD 20 MINUTES LEFT, A HOLE!

one more "Good Aunt" for today...

on the phone with lindsay after her two kids wake up from 5 minute naps when she had just laid down for a much needed nap herself...

ME: dude, just give them both a healthy dose of nyquil and call it a night.
LINDS: r-iiight, just give my kids medicine so that I can take a nap.
BENNETT: medicine? I want medicine.
LINDS: ...(ignoring Bennett) aww, crap.
BENNETT: (sobbing) I WANT MEDICINE, MOMMA, PLLLLLEEEASSSSEE!!!!!
ME: See?

Good Aunt Series #3

My Valentine's was perfectly spent watching "Ba-no-ke-no" (Pinocchio) with Bennett and James. Because it was a special occasion, I let Bennett eat his chicken nuggets with an extra helping of ranch dressing while sitting in a chair in front of the tv. Hey, I never said I was a good parent...just a good aunt. Sorry, Linds.

Design Series - Charlie Harper

l have fallen in love with mid-century illustrator Charley Harper who passed away in June of last year. This is a new discovery, but I am completely awestruck with his ability to distill a complex object with such perfect simplicity. His devotion to and respect for nature served as a major influence in his art. I wish I could find more of his prints, specifically the bird series, but they are hard to come by and expensive. The series he did of National Parks is fantastic, too. I guess I'll just have to save up for the book.

The Good Aunt Series # 2

Pretty much the same scenario as last week except she pointed to the valentine's day sugar cookie.

The Good Aunt Series - Numero Uno

I went grocery shopping with Baby Kate and when the kid started getting fussy, I made my way to the bakery and handed her a donut.

What? Do you want to hear her scream when you're trying to shop? GIRL. CAN. SCREAM.

Well, I proceeded to pick up a few things while Kate gobbled on her glazed donut, smearing it all over her face and into her hair. I didn't really see a problem as long as the kid shut up only I got some seriously dirty looks from snotty bee-otches that were obviously from the upper side of Foothill.

Friday Night

After showing up late to a party hosted by my wonderful hippie friend Georgia, she greeted me with: "Oh, no! You missed it! We just finished chanting in sanskrit! Come eat, though. All the food is organic and the cake is 100% vegan."

p.s. It's cool. I had cheerios before I went on purpose.

Moron Series - Just a Suggestion

When making the trip to the tailor to get your pants hemmed and fitted, maybe don't actually wear one of the pair you need to leave with your tailor. That might get weird if you had to leave without pants on.

p.s. oh, and I'm a moron.

"Once"

I know its been out for awhile now but I just saw it over the Christmas break. It won the world cinema dramatic audience award at Sundance last year. Well deserved.

The LA Times asked, "Do you believe in magic? Do you think small can be beautiful? Are you looking for a little film you can make your own, an enchanting, unpretentious blend of music and romance you can watch forever?" And yes, as a matter of fact, I am always looking for such a film. Based on my response, this film "is about to come into your life and make it whole."

p.s. the music is GREAT.

Sometimes you just need one more day...

EM: Let's pretend we have kids and that one of them is sick so we can't go to church.
Chels: No, let's pretend you're visiting Salt Lake and you're going to church with me.
EM: Ok, well, visitors only go to Sacrament Meeting.

Bennett singing

Our favorite hobby.

EM: I feel like I'm at the end of the Internet.
ME: I know, huh? I hate that.
EM: I can't find anything else to look at.
ME: What do we do now?

EMO-ly

Media Saturday - Adele

I am going to keep making a fuss over all these insane female musicians coming out of Britain because there is certainly nothing new to fuss over in Yankeeville. The Independent called 19 yr old Adele "the great white hope of British retro soul," and lauded her voice as "full of earthy sensuality and augmented by a 20-a-day habit". My favorite is "Melt My Heart to Stone" (on her myspace page).

The ONLY problem.

Em: The only problem with brushing your teeth is that it really ruins your diet coke.

Best Gift Ever: Houndstooth Gas Can

The greatest, most thoughtful gift I have ever received. How did you remember that: #1 I hate getting gas and subsequently misjudge the gas light a few times a year and #2 I am obsessed with houndstooth? Had you stayed to watch me open it, I would have thrown you down. Maybe its best you left beforehand, but considering the possible repercussions, maybe you wished you'd have stayed?

A baby for my birthday

I asked my sister Lindsay for her baby for one night as my birthday present and she reluctantly agreed. So, Jamesey Bear and I had a sleep over at my house the night before my birthday. He slept through the night next to me and even though he woke up first, he was very polite and just entertained himself with his feet for an hour before we got up.

Media Thursday - Billie Holiday

Going back a bit here, but this is really where it all begins. She's the godmother of every musician most important to me. Her artistry was not in the strength or range of her voice, which were both limited, but in her timing and soulful delivery. Her tragic life began with abuse and neglect and ended with severe substance dependence that slowly drained her voice and ended her life all too quickly.

Design Series - Big Lots

My favorite globe lights turned up dead after a good 4 years and I couldn't find anymore anywhere (save it be for those sold at Pottery barn for 29.99). I dedicated 3 saturdays to finding these lights and then when I least expected it...it's like they came to me. I made a suprise trip to Big Lots and I was passing through the aisles only to see out of the corner of my eye...yes, and on sale for $5.50 per globe. So, so happy.

The only thing that potentially ruined this discovery was the Federal Heights bee-otch who bought a whole cart full, causing me to temporarily panic before the store found more out in Kearns. She doesn't need to shop at Big Lots and why does she even know about it anyway...dumb ho.

I am thankful for this NEWS...

Badu's new album is going to drop on February 26, 2008 (her b-day) with two more albums slated for release in 6 month intervals afterward. What I am going to do is get on a plane for Dallas to see her live March 15th. Damn, this makes me happy.

Halloween was fun.

Frenz

I haven't laughed like that in years. Thank you very much.

It was magical.

Media Tuesdee - Tru Thoughts Recordings

A lot of these bands that have blown me over lately are signed to Tru Thoughts Recordings. Alice Russell just recently signed elsewhere but those with whom she sang (Quantic Soul Orchestra and The Bamboos) are still there. Nonetheless, there is quite a bit to peruse that makes me believe musicians are not extinct.

Media Saturday - Wristcutters: A Love Story

SO much more than a boy loses girl/boy gets girl back kind of film and I loved it.

I mean, it really made me think, ya know? Like, could I really pull off Shannyn Sossamon's haircut with those short wispy bangs?

Happy Halloween

Oh, yea? Well...I love it MORE

I was at lunch with my pal Dall last friday and I pulled out my houndstooth wallet to pay for my soup. The cashier made a comment about houndstooth and I said something like..."yea, don't you love it?" He replied with "yes" and then proceeded to tell me the items he owned with a houndstooth print. So I thought...this will be really fun. I railed off my much more impressive list of houndstooth print items, i.e. ottoman, coats, gloves, earrings, socks, scarves, headband, clutch, switchplate cover...you get the point. Houndstooth was mine first, honey.

I think Mark Twain hit on me.

I think. I am at a conference for work this week and in between sessions, this little Twain-like character fully equipped with a white mustache and cane came and stood in front of the bench I was sitting on with my co-workers. He looked kinda fragile so I asked him if he would like my seat. He abruptedly said no, thank you, and then asked me if I had "a card". I didn't know I was supposed to bring "a card" to things like this so I told him politely that I hadn't brought any with me. He stood there smiling at me like he was waiting for something. I smiled back and proceeded to join back into the conversation with my co-workers. I felt so very mean as I struggled falling asleep that night worrying that I had hurt his feelings. I get so damn cruddy when I am approached by people (specifically men) I don't know. What the eff is wrong with me?

Growing Up.

When I was an irritable 17 year-old senior, I was climbing the walls of Davis County. My bishop was smart enough to know that I simply couldn't endure Young Women's anymore so he called me to be a Primary teacher with the 5 year-olds. I really loved those kids and it kept me from having to choose between ditching to get a slurpee or reciting the Young Women's theme...again. Because, come on, he knew what I was up to.

So, today I got a friend request on my Facebook account and at first I didn't recognize the person but then the image of a beautiful blond little girl flashed through my mind and I realized it was one of the kids from that class. I was both flattered and horrified.

Every so often situations arise that remind me of my age, my status and also of what the 17 year-old me imagined my life would be like at 30. A year ago this idea was shrouded with disappointment...coupled with a few whys' about what I don't have. 'Twas useless bullroar. There are those in my circle that have a semblance of what they anticipated in life, though almost without exception, they state that their reality is not a mirror image of what they once expected. In some cases for them (and for myself), life and circumstance are better than they (and I) anticipated. In other cases, they feel dissapointment lingering in the wings just as I did.

I know one thing for sure. I feel more and more comfortable with myself and my life each year and that is another thing to look forward to. That doesn't mean that I'm not filled with curiosity about the whys' but its much better than being dissapointed by them.

Coat by BB Dakota

K, now, I love the fall for the popular reasons. Course I do. But I'll tell you what, by the time August is winding down, I'm about ready to join all the environmentalists in their campaign to solve Global Warming because I HATE BEING HOT. But then giving a damn just ends up being so much work, ya know? So instead, I start shopping for winter attire. I LOVE COATS. My latest purchase came today and I almost kissed the DHL delivery man because I was so exicted for its arrival. At that moment, if I had known how perfect it would fit or how it really would be as darling as the picture illustrated...well, then I for sure would have made out with him.

Mee Dee Uh Monday 7am - Feist

It's rare that I am so enticed by an indie album but the sweet blend with jazzy, poppy folk...good night, she really got me with this one. I really want to go see her Nov. 14th in Colorado.

See you in 3

I haven't talked much about my parents leaving, probably because I thought I was okay with it or at least that I should be. I figured I already had suffered through overwhelming home sickness trying to adjust as a new missionary in Portugal 7 years ago. I also figured that I am 30 and have my own little adult life...which...I guess makes me think it would be insane or at least juvenile to mourn my parents moving away for 3 years. I wonder if they could've anticipated when I was an angst ridden 17 year old, how much I would love and need them as a 30 year old woman. Probably not, because it's been a surprise to me, too. I had my crap packed for the last 3 months of high school in preparation to get out of their house and be on my own.

I spent one solid week alone with them last month and I must say that it was the best time I have ever had with my parents. Its just been in the last year that my Dad has talked to me more as a friend than as one needing his guidance and I really like that. That friendship deepened as we drove through rural Washington, going to Zone Conferences and teaching discussions while talking about my mission and his mission. It intensified with my humble father asking his daughter for advice. At night I laid in between he and my mom just like I used to back home...the same routine of a few pokes and giggles followed by a heartfelt sermon on what he thinks and feels for me, just milliseconds before falling into a dead sleep.

Disappointments and joys...I guess just life moving forward makes me miss them more than I ever anticipated, though it's a welcome suprise. I love how much I love them and it feels good to still need them.

I love Halloween.

I love halloween but it really bugs me that most women's costumes are for whores. Simply put. You can't just find a normal jailbird costume, for instance. Its gotta be a "sexy" or "naughty" jailbird. Which explains why it has been so exhausting trying to find just a normal taco costume.

Media Sunday - Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings

The Dap-Kings played for Amy Winehouse's Back to Black album. This is by far the best of the Dap-Kings albums. Its a great throwback to late 60s and early 70s R&B.

A Pillar

I am shocked by the news that Patricia Rothermich, who was the best adjunct teacher I had during grad school, was hit by a car wednesday in Holladay. What makes the news even more devastating is that it was a hit and run. Patricia was very well-known in the community and served for many years as the Regional Director for the Division of Child and Family Services. She was tough but very warm and knew her stuff. A pillar of the community like her will be greatly missed.

Lady Baby

It's cute and all that you've learned to pull yourself up, lady, but when you bonk your head, cut your lip and inhale an ice cube that subsequently gets lodged in your throat, you endanger a perfectly good afternoon of shopping. If you're going to shop with auntie, pull it together next time, okay?

My Babies (pretty much)

I love Kate's little puppet wave and making her laugh so hard she buries her face in my neck. It breaks my heart when Bennett lets me snuggle him after waking up or when he talks to me on the phone (a recent development) and says "hi, jen!". And Jamesy Bear, I love his gruff little voice and to smell his head when he's asleep in my arms.

Ya gotta catch up, ya know?

Em: Dude, you did a really good job at sleeping in today.
Me: Oh, Yes. Thank you.
Em: You might be the best at sleeping that I know.
Me: Don't exaggerate...you can't compare me to one of your teenage nephews.
Em: Okay, well, you definitely win for your age bracket.

Retract that.

This morning I overheard some of my coworkers talking about how all employees inevitably have to cut down on their "get ready routines" in the morning due to our perverted 5:50 AM time of arrival. One of them (mind you, a 60 year old man who never stops sweating and has the grosest ponytail I have ever seen) said, "yea, did you guys see how Jen looked when she first started working here? Her matching outfits, perfect hair and makeup...I guess she's had to start skipping some steps in her routine." Wow. Well, he has a point. Instead of the 2 hour routine I had for 5+ years at "Farm Church", some mornings I just brush my teeth and show up. For Real.

They really like me.

Well, it seems as though I am making a good impression at my new job/career...exactly what I would want after years of hard work and anticipation, which means to say that I get a lot of questions/comments about how cute I decorated my office, where I get my clothes, what hair products I use and what my preferred line of makeup is.

Breakfast?

There is always some weird treat or left over in the break room at work. This morning when I walked in to retrieve my morning diet coke, there was a huge open tub of room temperature Country Crock margarine sitting on the table. What the Eff?...I looked around and chuckled. Cool treat?

What I won't miss...

I'm nearing the end of a six year career as a technical writer. I have learned a lot and been challenged, however I would rather have my eyes plucked out than ever revisit the insane parts of this job, i.e. explaining how the internet works to an elderly volunteer who has never been on a computer before.

The worst came a week ago when I was revising a handbook composed for youth pioneer treks by these elderly volunteers. The handbook contains a recipe section and one of the recipes that was included is titled "Lumpy Dick". Now, how am I supposed to rationally explain to two 70 year-old adults that I have to make some serious revisons to their carefully written material? Especially when one of their names is "Dick"?

Lumpy Dick Recipe
Bring one quart of milk to boiling point in a skillet and sprinkle white flour a little at a time slowly, not stirring but gradually “poking” and mixing so it will not get slick and smooth but over-so-slightly lumpy. Keep at high heat, but do not boil hard for about fifteen minutes. It should take enough flour to be a fairly thick consistency (like cereal). Serve warm with very thick cream.

Lady Kate...2 months

Employee of the Month

Well, one of us should be working hard to support this family. The most logical person out of the two of us to receive an "Employee of the Month" award from their current employer? 5 out 5 say Em. I agree. Good job dawggie. Oh, and because I don't have some cruddy polaroid, I will post a most flattering pic from your youth.

Media Friday - Alice Russell

What do they put in the water over there in Britain? Check her out at myspace.com/alicerusselluk. She covers "Seven Nation Army" by the White Stripes which I saw The Heavies cover (I bet they got the idea from Alice). My favorite is the version of "Hurry on Home" in the music video on her site.

Media Friday - Amy Winehouse

She can sing in a way that only a crazy, alcholic woman who recently punched a female fan in the face and turned to kick her own boyfriend in the balls could. Her single, "I'm No Good" from her new album Back to Black is the free download on Itunes right now. To hear some clips, listen at http://myspace.com/amywinehouse. Pay some serious attention to "Stronger than Me".

30 Rock

I'm 30. And it wasn't even traumatic. I was expecting something like disappointment, tears...maybe that I would fall into some heap of despair...who knows? Whatever, man...I am so glad my 20's are over.

I think the only thing I will miss about that decade is that the majority of it was filled with a naive optimism for life that only a budding adult can possess. There is no way to replicate the pompous naiveté of my early twenties, back when I still believed that the world was at my feet. Actually, I just decided I won't miss that. The things that suck are easier to handle and the things that make me happy are much more simple. That's nice.

Em and I talked about what in our lives changed to make us feel like we had made the transition into the adult world. For Em it was a single tragic moment that quickly forced her to understand that there are decisions that adults just can't fix. For me, it was a culmination of joys and disappointments that settled on the realization that there is no such thing as fair but that the unfair things carve out some pretty critical space. I just hope I am filling that space with the right stuff.

Welcome, 2007

Thanks for coming, 2007. I have a good feeling about you.

To you, 2006,...good riddance...you freaking sucked.

Thanks for the Bone.

Through 4 painful hours, the powers above answered and I passed that mother effer. The room I took the test in was monitored so I'm sure the lady watching me had some fun when she observed me hesitantly click the big red "finalize" button, see my score and go BALLISTIC. This is what I would call God throwing me a bone.

She knows I only like grape.

I often get guilt tripped by girlfriends because I have the habit of magically disappearing while the only traces of me are the arrival of packages from ebay purchases. Thanks be to Em, who celebrates my fascinating quirks...well...she doesn't guilt trip instead opting to send emails like this when she hasn't seen me for days on end:

Where did you go last night? What time did you get home? What kind of shoes were those? Do you like red or orange slurpees?

Don't Even Try

I was perusing the electronics section at Costco when a young man slyly appeared at my side and muttered some question about the watches. "What?" I asked as I oogled over the Nikon D80 in my hand. Maybe he thinks I work here, I thought. "Are you married?" he asked. You've got to be kidding me.... "No," I replied curtly as I turned back to the camera. Go away, man. He proceeded to ask very pointed questions as I looked at him sideways, trying to read him. He looked back from dark, sad eyes, waiting on my response as he kicked his feet back and forth awkwardly. I wish I was dead...where the hell is Em?

Instead of firing back with some witty shmack about STD's or lesbian love, I politely declined his proposals and walked away. He followed me as he explained that he just wanted to get to know me and if I could just give him a chance... So, as my heart shattered into a million pieces, I took the opportuntity to give him a pep talk and let him in on some better approaches he could use with the ladies. I complemented his boldness, told him to "keep trying", and gave him a pat on the back as he shuffled away. Then I looked for the nearest, hardest object to beat my head against.

You know what I realized today? It doesn't matter that sweet Enrique is not my type and happened to creep me out...a lot. He could have been Patrick Dempsey or D'Angelo and it wouldn't have mattered. I still would have been pissed that he approached me. Why? Well, because I have problems.

Supportive Examples:

At Auto Zone a couple of weeks ago, I did the obvious when a attractive, cool guy in line with me tried to make small talk and offered to help me carry my stuff to my car. I didn't look him in the eyes as I scrambled for my keys, quickly answered his questions and jumped into my car, letting out a weak, "thanks" before tearing off.

Yesterday on my way to work, I listened to a message from an aquaintance I ran into recently at a concert. He's a cool guy, so why did terror fill every inch of my body when he said, "let's hang out sometime". I was sick to my stomach for the rest of the day.

Now, don't get the impression that I get approached or asked out a lot, because it really doesn't happen often but when it does I wish I could evaporate into thin air and have every trace of the experience zapped from my memory.

Yea, I know.

Thanks to the Giving

Well, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Mine ruled. I lived in a track suit all weekend, snuggled the sweetest newborn in the world, and made Bennett laugh until he couldn't breathe. Poor Em had to weather the airports but I'm glad she had a great visit home. Holidays rule.
Image from indexed.

These make everything better.

The Brand New...The Heavies - 11/14/06

A 12 year dream...to just stand in front of her and listen to her sing...OOOOHHH that woman can SING.

Their set was perfect, they sounded great and I soaked in every minute of it.

There is Strength in Surrender

I didn't pay much attention to the NPR segment as I drove to work this morning. I hastily applied my makeup as I merged in and out of lanes, cursing under my breath at each person who had the audacity to be on the road when I was late for work. A woman with a pleasant voice related the story of her losing her fiancé in a horrible accident.

I slammed on my brakes, smearing mascara under my eye as the idiot in front of me screeched to a near crawl. The cursing under my breath quickly exploded into rage and the woman continued: “Being fully open to your grief may be the hardest work you will ever do”. I froze mid-curse and she paused, seemingly waiting on my reaction. My heart sank, throat tightened, and jaw clenched as my hands gripped the steering wheel. I stared blankly through blurred eyes at the lazy car in front of me. “I am not the person I once was,” she continued, “but in many ways I have changed for the better. The fabric of my life is now woven with gratitude and humility. I have been surprised to learn that there is incredible freedom that comes from facing one's worst fear and walking away whole.” A honk from behind startled me as I placed the car in gear and proceeded to work.

I must admit that the harsh reality of life has slapped me in the face recently to a point I have never felt before nor could ever imagine. I didn't think anything would ever compare to the frigid, flea infested apartment in Rio de Mouro where I solely cared for a dear friend who I watched emotionally decompose with each passing moment. I allotted myself 10 minutes in my morning shower each day, stifling my sobs just enough so that she couldn't hear me. I knew when I walked back into that room that I would have to assume a role I likened to the wind-up monkey I played with at my great-grandpa’s house as a kid. The monkey’s hands held cymbals which would robotically beat together, briefly concealing the permanent smile painted on his face as he flipped over and over until he ran out of juice. I was her monkey, though I felt the ever present elephant of depression eclipsing my efforts.

When she left, I wondered if I would be next. I had no idea how I would proceed with the work I had actually come to perform. I didn’t know if I even cared to. Through my pleadings, however, I saw in a very clear and precise way how essential that pain was. It brought me to my knees, humble to the reality of my laundry list of faults and shortcomings while making me rely solely on the single source that could pull me back up.

As that experience distances itself with time, I have struggled with the idea that I have lost sight of what to do when faced with that kind of pain. The grief I felt back then pales in comparison to that of losing him...even more so that I had lost myself long before without really realizing it. The latter experience differs in that I was neither adequately prepared to make tough choices nor humble enough to absorb the devastation when tough choices were made for me. I survived on pride for the first few months as I carefully constructed walls up all around me that I thought made me emotionally invisible. In reality, I existed inside a glass box while those who care for me watched hopelessly as I labored in stoicism like a hamster on an exercise wheel…exhasting myself and getting nowhere quickly.

It happened in a similar way as it had in Rio de Mouro. One compelling push to send me over the edge. Different this time is the urgency and sole responsibility I feel to make the right choices rather then allowing them to be made for me. I choose whether to ignore this pain or to stare it in the face, surrendering to it and the powerful potential for growth and understanding that is certain to come.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog. I am 29 and work in a cubicle. Not exactly the aspirations of my youth, but I'm working on it. Plus, I'm sure it could get worse.

Thanks to indexed for this creation.